Two Months

While you are two months today, to me you are just a few weeks.  It is amazing how just in two weeks you have changed so much. You smile more often and are beginning to "talk."  When someone else is holding you, you will stop fussing when I take you back. You know I am momma. The first time it happened it made me feel so good. I worry you don't know who we are but it has become more and more evident you do. 

Body of Christ: Front Porch Baby Shower

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This is what the body of Christ looks like!  A baby shower of essentials on the front porch the night you arrive home with your answered prayer. God is good. Love is getting text after text stating, "I am leaving something on your front porch."

When Camo Met Diamonds and Added a Pearl: Lillian Piliana Wyatt

Yesterday your CASA worker called to ask your dad and me if we still wanted you if you became available for adoption. Our answer was OF COURSE!  I told her we still felt like you were ours and we had lost you. We thought of you every day and mourned our loss every day. Today Stephanie Stephens texted and asked me to call her ASAP. When I did she asked if I had plans this afternoon. I said no and she asked if I would like to get my baby.  Lillian these are the words your dad and I have been waiting to hear. We didn't think you would ever be coming home to us and yet here we are with you sleeping in the room next to us in the crib with the bedding I made months ago.

Immediately after getting off the phone with Stephanie I called your dad. He couldn't believe the words I was telling him. He got off for lunch at one so I was headed to him ASAP from work. I was actually in the middle of a life insurance health screening at work when I got the text from Stephanie. I finished up and left. I called Gama at school and got her out of an ARD meeting to tell her the news. She let me know Grandpa and she were headed our way as soon as she got off work.

As I began to process, for some reason all I could think about was what to bring you home in. I wanted a beautiful dress for my beautiful daughter. So I headed to Carrington's, got your dress and then we went to tell your Nana and Big Dad in person we were going to get you. 

I then headed to the lawyer 's office to discuss our will. I already had this appointment set up from two weeks prior. Crazy how we needed to get this done now more than ever. 

Next I went to Walmart. As I stood in the baby isle I couldn't even process.  What do I even get?  I left with a box of similac, a paci, three bottles, diapers and wipes. I couldn't think beyond that. 

I waited anxiously for 4:00 o'clock when your dad was coming home. We loaded up in the car and headed to Tammi's. She had the ever important car seat. Half way to Lufkin your CASA called to let me know there was a change in plans. My heart sank for a second but revived itself when I heard we were just going to bemeeting in Lufkin. I chose to have you brought to Tammi's house. 

And then our lives changed forever. We heard the car door open and close. We didn't know if we should go out to the car or wait. What were a few more seconds added to the past four years and four months?  So we waited. And then there you were, placed in my arms. My baby. My precious baby. I have prayed and cried for you. God has heard me and finally answered my plea with a yes.

A Colt Ford Weekend

My weekend began with an early leave from work at 11:20. I was excited to get home and see our new kitchen table that had been delivered that morning!

While we intended to leave the house at noon on Friday, Trapper Steve caught another beaver at Fern Lake so we didn't hit the road until 4:30. I will be honest, my patience ran out around 4:00.  

After arriving at Robert and Kelly's around 8:00, we unloaded our bags and headed to a late dinner at Nuevo Leon. 

The food was wonderful and we were definitely the only gringos in the place!

Saturday morning Kelly and Maddy went to the Cow Town 5k (it was too early for Aunta to get up and go!), Robert, Stephen and Jackson went to the Army Surplus store in search of backpacks (check out the extra scarf purchase below) and I went for what was supposed to be a five mile run that ended up only being three:(

The afternoon called for lunch at Coopers BBQ and then and extra long nap!

Then it was Colt Ford Time!  We had originally planned to eat at a new pizza joint but the wait was 1.5-2 hours so we opted to head down the street to Yucatan Taco Stand. I had my second fill of chips and queso and quesadillas for the weekend and it was glorious!

Then we were off to Billy Bob's. In the excitement of getting ready for the evening I left my ID at the house. Upon realizing this at the door, Stephen and I had to head back to Saginaw to retrieve it. Luckily it's only a ten minute drive so we made it back in plenty of time before the start of the concert. 

And then the fun began!  Even if you don't like country music and you don't know any of his songs, Colt Ford is one of the most entertaining people to watch and his band doesn't leave you wanting either. 

From his amazing dance moves to his cover of Eminem's Lose Yourself at the beginning of the encore it was all smiles in the crowd. 

After one final selfie it was bedtime fire these two old people!

Sunday morning called for brunch at Espiranza's where we filled our tummies with yet again chips and salsa along with Migas and Pineapple drink. 

It was a great weekend topped off with a short stop at the hospital in Longview on the way home to visit Hannah, Matt and baby Ella!

Is My Anger Justified?

I have pretty much for the past month been able to offer grace and forgiveness to Lillian's parents. Lillian was never really ours to begin with regardless of the words spoken to us, the promises made and the feelings of love we developed in a matter of hours. But I found myself last night and this morning angry at them; no, more like furious!  I want to write them a letter and ask what they were thinking, to beg them to never do this again to another couple.  How could they sit before us proclaiming to have watched a close relative struggle with infertility and failed adoption, that they wanted a couple who didn't already have any kids, that they would never do to us what had been done to their family member.  But what good would that do. They could care less what we think. They don't know us from Adam. (Except for knowing our hearts and souls and our complete infertility story, my hopes and fears with adoption and my struggles with the thought of what I am missing by not carrying my own baby and a great detail about both of our families). When I really let myself think about it I get pissed off and worked up about it all. They had every right to change their minds. Lillian was not ours to take but theirs to place. It is the fact they did not have the decency to tell us that really gets me angry. All it would have taken was one phone call to us, Heartbeat or the lawyer. A simple, we are sorry but we've changed our minds.  I am left wondering if my anger is even justified?  Am I allowed to be angry that I have lost something that was never really mine to begin with?  Even though I want to be angry and bitter I must force myself to let it go. I am choosing to offer grace so I must chose to not be angry. 

Happy Non Valentines Day

So I really don't like Valentines Day. I never really have and ironically I haven't been single on a Valentines day in over 14 years. It makes those who don't have someone feel crappy and those who do have let down expectations. It's a lose/lose no matter what category you are in and for both boy and girl. 

What I do love is Harvey. As evidenced by his appearance multiple times on this blog and my Facebook. It's an unnatural love. Some might even say unhealthy. As I was filling out a new page in my listography earlier this week one of the questions asked "what would you grab in a fire." Naturally the one and only thing on that list:  Harvey.*

And so with all of that being said, just as "I'm not gonna invite you to my birthday party" is an extremely declarative statement, so is "I love you more than Harvey!"

So if you are ever questioning where you stand Estie, just remember I have never said those words to anyone but you!

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*Stephen is not a "thing" so let's just be clear that I would grab him! (But he does know that always in case of a fire he is to grab Harvey!)

P. S. Valentines day itself was a pretty good day. We had fun at work dressing together in our new LOVE shirts from M&S. For it is love that keeps us OB Offices in business;). 

AND on our weekly 2014 standing Friday lunch date, Stephen and I got an impromptu serenade by a barbor shop ladies quartet (but there were more than four of them so not sure what they would be called) singing It Had To Be You. 

AND Clint and JoDee came over for dinner where the girls beat the boys multiple times in SkipBo. (Silly boys, when will they ever learn the point of the game is to have the most points ;))

A Little Taste Of Louisiana: Mini King Cakes!

One of the things I am most proud of is being from Louisiana.  The past two years during the Mardi Gras season I had been doing fertility treatments in Shreveport, thus our February's were filled with multiple King Cakes from Julianne's.  This year the multiple weekly drives are over so I went in search of the perfect way to add a little Louisiana to my life.  I found it here.  And below you will find step by step instructions as made by myself in my kitchen.

Step One:  Gather your ingredients.

Two tubes of seamless dough
Sugar
Cinnimon
Cream Cheese
Mexican Vanilla
Powdered Sugar
Lemon Juice
Sprinkles (Green, Yellow and Purple)

Step Two: Preheat Oven to 375*

Step Three: Mix one block of cream cheese with 1/2 cup of sugar on high until smooth.

Step Four: Add several splashes of Mexican Vanilla and blend.

Step Five:  In a seperate bowl mix 1/2 cup of sugar with 1 table spoon of cinnamon.  Set to the side.

Step Six: Unroll dough and cut into quarters.

Step Seven:  Spread Cinnamon Sugar equally over unrolled quartered dough.
Step Eight:  Put several dollops of the cream cheese filling on each quarter length wise along the bottom.

Step Nine: Fold dough in half length wise rolling it up like a cigar.
Step Ten: Roll up "cigar" like a cinnamon roll as pictured below.

Step Eleven:  Place rolled up dough in a cupcake tin seam side up.

Step Twelve:  Bake covered for 13 minutes.

Step Thirteen:  Bake uncovered for 13 minutes.

Step Fourteen:  Remove from oven and let cool.

Step Fifteen:  While cooling mix about one cup of powdered sugar with 1 1/2 table spoons of water and 1/2 tablespoon of lemon juice.

Step Sixteen:  Remove cakes from tins glaze with frosting.

Step Seventeen:  Sprinkle with Green, Yellow and Purple sprinkles

There you have it, a little Louisiana in the home.  (I did not have yellow or purple sprinkles for this batch :( )

For some extra fun hide the baby in one of the mini cakes before serving.  Whoever "finds" the baby has to make the mini cakes for the next event!