It's Such A Mess I Could Cry!

It's such a mess I could cry, but not because of the mess; because we've waited and waited for so long to have this mess. 

Truly as I spent the past fifteen minutes picking up what tornado Lillian had destroyed, I stepped back to look at it all; tears welled up in my eyes. I really didn't think it was going to ever happen and especially not in 2014.  My heart is full. I know it would be full, by the grace of God, even if my living room did not look like this, but tonight I needed to just sit and see.  For this moment at this time my messy living room IS God's grace for this year. 

Praying His grace is tangible for you, especially if you are currently in the darkness. 

Writing the Word

So I just might be setting out to do the impossible and it might take me more than a year, but my plan for 2015 is to handwrite the entire New Testament. (I'm posting this for accountability so please ask me how it's going a few weeks and months down the road).

I started tonight and let me tell you, when you write the word rather than just read it you notice more (or at least I did tonight). Matthew 1 with it's genealogy we all like to skip or skim lover and the short telling of the Messiah's birth was interesting tonight. I tried to remember each story that I could associated with the Old Testament names. I knew about half. So tomorrow I will set out to learn what I can about the other half. 

In the name of Jesus Christ my Savior, I pray and command Satan to stay out of my way for this project. I pray God will use the project to hide the word in my heart and it will come alive to me in ways I have never experience before, help me to be a better follower of Christ,  better wife, a better mother and a better friend!

TBT: May the Joy of Christmas Sweep You Off Your Feet

A little Throw Back Thursday for ya!

As I look at this picture I think about what this couple had lying ahead of them. They had no clue what was to come. The dead of night was moving in and the joy of the morning would not come for another four years.  If this is where you find yourself today have hope, morning WILL come. It may not be this side of heaven nor in the way you think but His mercies ARE new every morning. 

But if you just can't see through the darkness, lean into the Savior my friend.  You can bring ANYTHING to Him. Lord knows I have had my share of shouting and crying to Him and at him. He is strong and steady and will not let you go.  He's walked through the wilderness too. 

May God bless you all this Christmas Day in ways you never expected! 

Eleven Months

Merry Christmas from our 11 month old!  We just attended the candle light service where we took advantage of the decorations for our pictures this month. 

Lillian has five teeth, is super tall and has huge feet. Her curls are starting to make their second ringlet and are long enough to hold a hair bow!  She is cruising everywhere but still not interested in walking alone just yet. She is super affectionate and gives unsolicited hugs and kisses. She's starting to eat table food and hasn't found much she doesn't like. Her favorite book right now is Duck and Goose It's Time for Christmas  and she often " reads" to herself.  

Yikes!

With thirty around the corner and now this, all I have to say is YIKES!

The silver lining...

pun intended...

Silver hair is a beautiful crown found in a righteous life.  (God's Word Translation Proverbs 16:31)

I don't know that I would say I am righteous, only through the grace of Jesus Christ, but I will take it!

Lillian and Kate Kate

Love Lillian gets to experience a "sibling" like relationship with Kate Kate. So much love between these two!

Somebody Pinch Me!

2007 to 2014. When we hung that first ornament back in 2007 I am so thankful we didn't know what lay ahead. Back then I had a "five year plan" to placing this second ornament on the tree.  God laughed because two years into that five year plan it changed to a now plan which in turn God made a seven year plan.  It's been a long time coming and I can't  believed I am actually hanging these on a Christmas Tree this year for my 10 month old daughter!  This time last year we had just found out our last fertility treatment did not work and a huge chapter in our lives was closing. I would have NEVER believed this would be my life today!!!

 

Advents First Sunday

Doing day one of my advent study and the scripture is Isaiah 9:6-7. The prophet is telling of the coming Messiah. What stuck out most from the devotional was God's faithfulness. It took 700 years for this prophesy to be fulfilled but IT WAS. The reflection section reminds us that as we are waiting for Christ's second coming HE IS....right now at work in our hearts, HE IS...our wonderful counselor, mighty God and Prince of Peace. 

I thought of a special friend who is traveling the road of infertility and felt compelled to say a special prayer for her as she continues in her place of waiting.  She is but the face of many, possibly even you dear reader, who will celebrate this holiday season longing for empty arms to be made full. If this is you, just as I prayed for her tonight I also pray for you; as you wait expectantly, in those darkest moments HE IS your peace. 

While there is no way to know what the earthly outcome of your waiting will be, I can say with confidence God has something EXCELLENT in store for you!

Thankful

For the first time in four Thanksgivings I have not felt left out in the room full of my siblings with their families and abundance of children.  This year at the center of it all there is Lillian, grandchild number seven for the Pruitt clan; the child I never thought would be. How grateful I am God chose to say yes this year when I truly believed this would not be the year. 

We (Mom, Rebecca, Emily and I) started the day with the Castle Hills Turkey Trot. I cannot tell you how proud I am of my mom for walking her first 5k and finishing in under 45 minutes.  This time six months ago she would not have even been able to walk that far let along at that speed. She placed fifth in her age group and pushed Rebecca, who is recovering from pneumonia from several weeks, to lace up those shoes again.  

I,with the help of Emily encouraging me along, was able to run my fastest 5K to date. I finished in 3rd for my age group with an 8:18 average pace. I am fairly certain an 8:36 had been my fastest race pace (I'll have to check to confirm that;) but I know it's never been faster than 8:34. 

We took Pruitt family pictures this afternoon before lunch and then had an amazing feast. All in all it's been a great day. 

BUT as great of a day that it was I am saddened and heavy hearted as I know MANY have not had such an amazing day. I've been thinking of my many friends longing to grow their families and having yet to be able to do so, and those who are celebrating their first Thanksgiving without loves ones like Lizzie's family as well as those like my dear brother in law who have lost a family memeber just this week. The holidays are great and remind us of what we have to be thankful for but they also remind us of what we have lost or have not. 

For myself, even in my darkest places and days with my infertility, the one thing that remained and still remains true is Christ.  It is on His solid rock I must stand because truly all other ground is sinking sand.  And so today I am most importantly grateful for a savior who forgives because man I mess up so bad and so often. Just earlier this week I let my sarcastic tongue cause pain to someone so sweet.  Not my intention but my result in trying to get a quick laugh. I know better than that. My God deserves better than that and I just blew it.  My prayer is that God will continue to mold me and use me and my messed up self and that this Thanksgiving whether it be your best to date, worst to date or somewhere in between,  you feel and KNOW Christ's redeeming love. He wants to celebrate the joys with you but he also wants to mourn your sorrows. From experience I know He will hold you my dear friend and never let you go if only you choose to let Him!

10 Months

Lillian is 10 months and getting into all kinds of "trouble"!

She is cruising everywhere and becoming very steady on her feet. She has three teeth and is putting everything in her mouth (we even had a scary choking episode this month on a sequin but thankfully she is all well)!  She can now say please in baby sign and just yesterday blew a kiss to Stephen. She still loves to read and especially loves the feel and read books. 

Time Stood Still: Do you know CPR and the Heimlich?

Before you start reading just know upfront this happened last week and everyone is OKAY!

Lillian picks EVERYTHING up off the floor and puts it in her mouth.  And by everything I mean everything from the two day old puff under the table, the receipt from yesterdays grocery run, the most minute piece of dirt, to the curled up dead bug that made its way through the crack in my door.  It seems I just cannot keep my floors clean enough or rather I can and it's thanks to Lillian? Yikes!

When you are a high schooler taking life-guard training and you get to CPR, you never really think you're gonna have to do the Heimlich and especially on a baby.  

Carrie had arrived to pick up Kate and Wyatt and as she and I chatted it up, the girls were playing on the floor.  (Kate had told me earlier a "sequin" had come off her shoe.  A few rhinestones have come off the front part of her shoe before and she just threw it away.  So I told her I was so sorry and didn't think anything more about it.)  All of a sudden Lillian was coughing and tears, the kind that come from not breathing, were streaming from her eyes.  She seemed to be starting to turn blue.  I hesitated knowing I needed to swipe my finger through her mouth.  Have you ever tried to swipe your finger through the mouth of a baby.  They don't really cooperate and you end up hurting them more than helping them (that is when you are just trying to get them to give you whatever they are currently chewing on); so for two seconds I was thinking "I don't want to hurt her" but then I saw she was actually not breathing and realized hurting her or brain damage from lack of oxygen were two totally different things.  Carrie was closest to Lillian and had grabbed her and was holding Lillian in her lap.  I tried to swipe and did not feel anything.  I told Carrie to try and she didn't didn't feel anything either.  (This is where I'm sure our two versions and perspectives of what happened look very different).  It was at this point time seemed to stand still for me.  I grabbed my baby and began the baby Heimlich.  I kept thinking "what if this doesn't work" and "I have to actually 'hit' her hard if I'm going to get it, whatever 'it' is, out".  Thankfully after what I would guesstimate was about four "hits"she threw up.  There was a bit of blood and she was now crying.  While running my finger in the throw up feeling for something, anything, we asked Kate what Lillian had been chewing on.  She said it was the sequin from her shoe.  Carrie was a little confused and I was assuming it was the rhinestone, so I showed Carrie what I thought Kate was talking about.  It was then that Kate turned her shoe to the side and showed us the actual sequins.  Lillian was now just red-faced and crying but otherwise seemed to be fine and was waiving to the dogs as the tears rolled down her cheeks.  I was still rattled because I had not felt anything and obviously something had caused her to choke.  After a quick call to Dr. Vineyard we decided to be safe and take her to the ER to have a chest x-Ray and make sure she had not aspirated anything.  She had not and so we assume she swallowed "it."  I'm not one to check my daughters poop and I didn't notice any extra sparkle, but I assume it was there the next day.

I write this for several reasons.  One to tell you that our kids are kids and accidents are going to happen, but most importantly to ask you, "Do you know CPR and the Heimlich?"  If you don't and you are a member of society, which I assume you are ;) , but especially if you have children PLEASE take a class or even if you don't get officially certified get someone who is certified to teach you.  I have been officially certified and in the first few moments found myself questioning what to do, so I cannot imagine what I would have done if I actual had NO clue how to react.

I'm Under the Covers

Tonight as Stephen and I headed to bed I told him I was imagining myself under the covers already to which he responded, "I can accept that."  What I was really saying was I wanted to play the "last one under the covers has to turn off all the lights game." Grr...just like Stephen to actually win by accepting defeat. 

But it did make me smile. I really stopped and reminisced about the early years of our marriage when we lived in Lufkin. Our bedroom was right off the livingroom. There was always that moment late in the evening when a tv show was ending or practically over.  It was in those moments  the game somehow began: that break to race to the bedroom to get under the covers first.  There was always a fine line between victory and defeat; you had to make sure to casualy position yourself on the couch were you could win but also secure that the other person was actually playing.  Tonight I realized just how much I have missed our little game and just how much I loved those moments. It's just not the same when there's a dining room, entry way and long hallway to navigate. it's a game best played as a sprint rather than an abbreviated temple run. 

So tonight I ask you, what precious, quirky memory do you have with/of your spouse from the early years of your marriage (and for kicks how long have you been wed)?

Our First Fall Festival

I have worked Fall Festival for as many years as I can remember.  It was SO.  MUCH.  FUN. to get to dress up with this little fox.  I figured she has lots of years ahead to ask to be a princess so I wanted to do something fun.  Stephen is on this big trapping kick right now and thinks he's some sort of semi professional trapper so why not go with that?  I have to give a HUGE shout out to Stephanie Stephens for making the costume.  It is perfection!

Love Those Pumpkins

Lillian does this adorable thing when she gives hugs and just leans into whatever it is she wants to give a hug and puts her forehead on it. This weekend I bought several "Halloween" books and while they all have pumpkins in them she particularly loves this one!

On every page she leans in and gives each pumpkin a hug!  So precious. 

9 Months

Lillian is officially a Wyatt and she's hit the ground "crawling" as we celebrate her 9th month of life!  She's got her two bottom teeth, learned to go from sitting to her stomach to scooting in circles to all out crawling.  We are now in full baby proofing mode as a result!  She claps when you say "yay" and will sometimes repeat "mama" when asked though it usually sounds more like "mamamama."  She's using her baby sign for more and we are working on learning thank.  She's still sleeping about 12 hours and is a night owl with mom. She gets excited when dad comes home for lunch and from work and knows what door to look for him to come through. She loves to read and gives hugs to all!

Got Teeth?

Infancy and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day

She is the woman sitting next to you in the church pew, standing behind you in the checkout line at Target.  She is your mother, sister and cousin.  She shares and grieves openly with family and friends and sometimes she keeps it so close she is the only one who will ever know.

While I cannot speak to Infancy Loss from a personal stance I can to Pregnancy Loss.  Most see Lillian as our first child; if you have followed our story or know us personally you know she has a sibling.  This year I have mixed emotions as I reflect on our loss.  October 26, 2012, would have been my due date and I should be planning a two year old's birthday party right now, but instead I am holding my 8 month old while she sleeps in my arms.  What a bittersweet sentence to write.  If it were not for the pain and loss of our first baby, we would not have experienced the joy of Lillian's adoption.  I can honestly say we would not have put an adoption profile at Heartbeat if my first baby had been born and even if we had, Lillian's birth parents specifically chose us because of our infertility and empty home longing for a baby.  I don't know why things had to happen the way they did and I would not want to live them out again, but I am grateful for a loving God who has been there for us through it all.  

So today on Infancy and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day I urge you to remember those who have experienced the pain of losing a child.  If this is you dear sister grieve, grieve your heart out because your baby was real and loved and to not grieve would be to deny that babies existence.  I have counted it a privilege to be able to come alongside my fellow sisters to help bear the burden of their loss having experienced it first hand myself.  God has allowed there to be joy in my sorrow and healing in the ability to empathize, encourage and pray for friends and friends of friends by name and unspoken request these past two and a half years.  Each and every baby is worthy of love and remembrance no matter how short their life.  If ever I can pray for, encourage, meet with or help you or someone you know experiencing this great loss please I would count it a joy to be able to do so.

I leave you with something I have been learning these past five years through our infertility journey: as you celebrate your happiness  remember there are always those silently suffering.  This does not mean you cannot be happy; but rather, if you can try and remember them with sensitivity in your celebration, you may just never know how much comfort and healing you can bring!

 

Yeti Cooler Raffle!!!!!!!

So...Stephen and I are returning to Tanzania in June 2015 (see my last post for details on how this came about) and we are going to be doing several fundraisers.  The first one is going on starting now until December 1st.  If you would like to purchase a raffle ticket you can contact myself or Stephen or find the tickets at M&S Pharmacy.  Also if you would like to help sell tickets at your place of business or personally please let us know!  Our expenses this year will be $7700.00 for the both of us combined so we are getting creative.  Also mark your calendars for Saturday, November 29 for Pictures with Santa at M&S.  We have hired the real deal and are just asking for a donation towards the trip so if you have little ones you won't want to miss out!

What God's Been Doing These Past Eight Months!

This year,2014, will be one for the record books!  Anna started the year realizing this wasn’t it.  We wouldn’t be having a baby and for the first time in four years that was okay.  Little did we know fourteen days after writing a blog post on the subject, God would bring an unborn baby girl into our lives and yet allow her to vanish from it just as quickly as she’d appeared.  It was an extremely difficult time and we didn’t understand what He was doing.  We were finally in a good place emotionally with our infertility.  Why would He bring a baby into our lives just to take her away before she was even born?  “Trust me,” He said.  And I (Anna) wish I could say I did in every moment.  I knew He had a greater plan but I was struggling.  Stephen on the other hand:  he always trusts, always obeys.  He is my rock firmly planted on The Rock.  Fast forward to March.  We were contacted on a Thursday by CASA asking vague questions about our relationship with Lillian’s birthparents and did we still want her if she became available for adoption in the near distant future (3-6 months or so).  Of course!  We felt like she was ours and we had lost her; to adopt her would be like having a child raised from the dead!  That night we went to bed thinking God was possibly going to change our lives when we got back from Africa.  The next morning March 7, 2014, around 11:00 am Anna received a text to call the lawyer ASAP.  “Anna, what are you doing this afternoon?”  “Nothing, why?”  “Do you want to go pick up your daughter this evening?”  And just like that in a crazy turn of events only He could orchestrate, in the living room of one of our dearest friends in Lufkin at 5:00 pm, a 6 week old perfect Lillian was placed into our arms!  We are grateful to all who played a small and large part in our adoption story.  There are so many facets and levels and people involved it is hard to give a short and complete version.  If you are interested in knowing more feel free to visit our blog www.camonanddiamonds.blogspot.com and start with those famous last words I wrote on January 1, 2014.  (For all you English teachers I must warn it is very much unedited!  Who has time for that with an infant ;) 

It’s been a short eight months with respect to Lillian’s growth and milestone achievements from weight gain and chubby thighs to rolling over and sitting up.  Yet it seems to have taken an eternity to officially be able to say she’s ours.  We no longer have to prove we are fit to be parents, get permission to travel out of state to visit Anna’s family or have multiple monthly visits in our home with caseworkers.  We can now just be a “normal” family.   While the adoption process has been cumbersome at times, it is through these past seven months God has been teaching us a tangible lesson: our children are not our own; they are His. 

Our first test of faith in trusting God with Lillian, and yet we know it is He who is trusting us with her, was choosing to follow the call he had given us back in the Fall of 2013, and still go to Tanzania in June.  God used YOU dear one to help confirm our call through your prayers and financial support.  Back in the Fall of 2013 we set out to raise half our funds for the trip and planned to pay the rest out of pocket.  The day we brought Lillian home EVERY. SINGLE. CENT. had been raised for BOTH trips.  With unexpected adoption fess ahead and the expenses of a new baby overnight, God provided and left us with no financial hesitation for moving forward with our plans.  All we had to do was TRUST Him with our hearts and daughter.  We knew God called us to Africa before Lillian was placed in our lives knowing she was coming; it was no surprise to Him!  She is His and we knew and trusted He would protect her as we headed to do His work in Tanzania. 

Stephen’s Experience:

I did not really know what to expect or how I would be used to minister to the people of Bukoba, Tanzania, but I knew I had been called to go.  Expectations are a funny thing; you control them so you think.  Control is another allusion we cling to.  I thought I was going to travel halfway around the planet to fill prescriptions written by Tanzania doctors for Tanzanians needing them.  Anxiety and worry were not an issue because my Lord and Savior told me to go.  From the first day traveling through Bukoba to the pharmacy, Director of Medical Services for the Kagera District of Tanzania and the two locations we were to hold clinics I saw just what I expected.  Anna had an issue with her passport that limited my time with her in Bukoba to just this first day.  I had looked forward to experiencing this mission with her but that was out of my control.  Before heading to the clinics each morning we met with the translators at a local church for that mornings worship and devotion.  Unadulterated worship and praise of God was the nature of each service.  Language didn’t matter because God is the God of all.  The mobile pharmacy was limited to the formulary available.  Several hundred Tanzanians received medical attention, vision services, physical therapy, prescriptions to help heal their physical bodies and saw the love of Christ portrayed by a group of missionaries from a land far, far away.  Nothing about my experience was how I expected.  Not even our last day in clinic was bound by my expectations.  The whole experience was out of control and unexpected.  My undergraduate degree is in Forestry and Wildlife which led me to my profession as a pharmacist through a convoluted series of events.  I expected to fill some prescriptions and come home; however, God had some other expectations for me.  A saying that I am familiar with and with which you can identify is, “You can’t see the forest for the trees.”  I think that sums up my first mission experience.  I was only a small part of God’s plan to reach the lost.  He told us in the gospels that “the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few….”  I still can’t see the forest that is God’s plan of salvation for those He calls His own, but I am blessed beyond any words to have walked among and tended his trees.

Anna’s Experience:

The hardest part the day we left for Africa was actually handing Lillian over to my sister-in-law.  Once we were in the car on our way, God put a layer of protection around my heart almost immediately and allowed me to focus on the task set at hand: to bring His good news to the people of Bukoba.  Or so I thought.  Unfortunately after three days of travel we finally arrived in Bukoba and I realized my passport had been taken at the last airport in Mwanza.  Quickly my mission to Bukoba began to unravel before my eyes.  We called the airport immediately and the passport was nowhere to be found, and so after doing some research the next things needed was a police report in order to get a temporary passport from the American Embassy in Dar Es Salam.  The next morning as Stephen and the others headed out for their first day of clinics and ministry I headed to try and file the needed report.  Once we had this in hand it was determined due to weather I would make the five hour drive to Mwanza that day rather than wait for the 45 minute flight the next morning.  Thankfully I was able to see Stephen for five minutes before leaving Bukoba to touch base.  At this point as I entered the cab Satan began to peck at me saying “you left your four month old for this?”   That evening as I talked through my thoughts and feelings with Charlotte who traveled with me to Mwanza, I was determined Satan would not win and this trip was still going to bring God glory.  To make a long story short I was able to share my testimony with a few people while in Dar but most importantly God brought Richard and Karen Lee along with their children Christian and Rebecca into my life.

  They are Southern Baptist Missionaries serving in Dar and have been on the field in Tanzania for more than ten years.  We share and eerily similar infertility and adoption story and were able to have a sweet time of fellowship.  Most importantly I was able to learn about Karen’s ministry It Takes A CAKE (Cakes Advancing Kingdom Expansion).  When they served in the bush of Tanzania she developed a very simple cake recipe made with ingredients found almost anywhere and can be baked on a coal oven. 

While giving women a vocational skill, Karen is also taking the opportunity to share Christ with unbelievers and encourage believers to share Christ with their neighbors through the hospitality of sharing a cake.  The ministry is in the growing stages and while in Dar Karen and I were able to spend part of our time together discussing how the ministry can be used, grown and expand to be as effective in Kingdom Expansion as possible.  Since being home I have been able to help get a logo created for the ministry and brainstorm ways it can be used to continue to reach others not just in third world countries but in the states when the Lee’s are on furlough. 

At the beginning of August we got an email from e3 sharing the same trip we took to Bukoba would be going to Shinyanga, Tanzania on June 12-22, 2015 (this is where Anna lived the summer of 2006).  Immediately we knew Stephen would be going.  I (Anna) was hesitant to leave Lillian and had been trying to figure out if I could take a one and a half year old with me.  I also wanted so badly for our family to attend Pine Cove Family Camp next summer.    But for several weeks I could not get the trip off my mind and then God finally hit me square in the face:  It Just Takes a CAKE.  He took me away from my four month old and allowed me to lose my passport in order to meet Karen Lee so I could become a part of her ministry to help bring it’s concept to e3 Partners.  My mom had already volunteered to keep Lillian if we both went back to Africa and Lillian would not remember Pine Cove just yet anyway.  What was I thinking?  Karen and I are already emailing and planning and she is even hopeful to be able and come and help for part of the time we are there.  God is SO good and again showing us we do not always see immediately what He is doing but He is ALWAYS at work!

We covet your prayers as we now travel this exciting, new and sometimes scary journey of parenthood.  Pray we will follow Christ in all the decisions we make and we will always point Lillian towards the cross.  Would you also pray as we prepare for another journey to Tanzania.  The expenses will be a little more than last year totaling $7700 for the both of us.  If you would like to give towards the trip you can do so by writing a tax deductible check to e3 Partners Ministry and putting Wyatt TZ15G in the memo and get the check to us and we will make sure it gets to our account at e3 or you can give online at www.purecharity.com/annakwyattTZ15G.   We also plan to do several fundraisers over the next nine months and would love for you to keep an eye out for those. 

Ephesians 1:5 says, “God decided in advance t o adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what He wanted to do and it gave Him great pleasure.”  How amazing that God provided Christ as the way to salvation.  It is our hope and prayer that all who we meet on this trip will hear the good news and receive it so they too may be adopted into the family of God!

Thank you for loving us and being a part of our incredible story; rather God’s incredible story,

Stephen, Anna and Lillian Wyatt

#Celebratewithaselfie #adoptionday

Thank you EVERYONE who came to the adoption hearing and came to celebrate with a selfie. Lillian has SO many people in her life who love her and I cannot begin to tell everyone thank you enough. I can't believe this day is finally here but oh how joyful!

I can't really process my thought so I will write more later but wanted to post pie announcement. She is ours. And she is beautiful!