Preparing for Bukoba

We head to Dallas tomorrow to get Lillian settled with John and Emily and then we head for Bukoba Saturday evening.  I spent today trying to balance packing, laundry, cleaning and holding Lillian. This is what I wanted to do all day...

But packing had to take place and laundry and cleaning needed to be done.  When we arrive home I will have a week or less to get our house ready for our homestudy. Seeing as our kitchen currently looks like this...

And thus our dinning room looks like this...

Causing the rest of the house to be a disaster zone... I am feeling really stressed and overwhelmed!  I know Satan has been attacking Stephen and I as we are preparing for this trip and using the adoption process against us at every turn; but by the grace of God if you are reading this post, Lillian is officially ours and we have made it through.  No one can take her away and we can parent and go about our lives without being under a microscope!  I know there will be more bumps and stress but I am trying to not let Satan get a foothold on this trip or my marriage (but it has been difficult). Lillian is our everything and so it is a scary thing to always live in fear that something will go wrong and we will lose her. That we can't adequately prove we are good parents and that our house isn't good enough and we don't live a tidy enough life to meet caseworkers and the states standards. 

If you could read this in real time I would ask for your prayers that I would not be stressed about the homestudy, that we will be granted and early adoption and that God will use our story with Lillian to bring those we meet in Bukoba to know him!

Four Months and I Can't Share!

Lillian is four months and I can't share:(. It really is hard not to share pictures of our precious baby girl with the world. I wish I could tell how her little personality is forming. She's such a happy baby and has really found control of her hands. She loves to chew on her paci rather than suck on it. She gives the best morning smiles after she wakes up at 10:00am. Y'all how did I ever get do lucky as to have a baby with my sleep cycle?! She gave me a big ole' belly giggle just this last week and she loves to blow spit bubbles. She hardly ever cries and truly I mean ever. If she does she is hungry or something is terribly wrong. She is the apple of her daddy's eye and they have such a sweet special relationship.  She gets excited to see him, especially in the evenings and just talks away. She has what we call the pterodactel call and it is so adorable!  

This my friends is my four month old. She is an answer to the prayers of not just ourselves but of many; maybe even yours too!  I pray God will be glorified through Lillian's story. She was created by Him for a purpose and we are honored to be the parents He has chosen to help guide her through the coming years. Our children are not our own, they are His!  What an honor to be entrusted with this precious girl!

Right Side Up

My world sitting across from me at dinner. This man is not only an amazing husband, but an amazing dad too!  Lillian is one loved little girl. We loved her before we knew her, we loved her when she was placed in our arms but I had no clue what "mama bear love" would feel like.   I am not sure when it happened exactly; when it went from feeling like we were playing house to "this is real." What I do know is this is MY daughter and I would sacrifice my life for her in a heartbeat!  

As I was talking to Lillian the other night I was telling her how she had turned our lives upside down and in a good way. Stephen's response:  "No you've turned our lives right side up."  After much heartache and feeling like we could never catch a break, no truer words have ever been spoken!  

God is good, but please hear me that even if He had not brought Lillian into our lives he would still be good!  He never left our sides and loved us always.  My heart will ALWAYS break and ache with those yearning to be called mom or dad. I don't know if the pain will ever completely cease and to be honest I don't know if I want it to. I want to remember as to always have empathy. I feel God gave us this path for a reason not just a season.  So to those still walking the journey of heartbreak know you are NOT alone!

How Much I Love You

Lillian, if you ever question how much I love....

know today at 1:20 AM I carried you a half mile while you were sleeping down and up a HUGE hill just so you wouldn't have to be unswaddled and woken up to be put into the car seat to be driven home from Tammy and Ray's house. 

Not only do I love you to the moon and back but also from 2918 Dogwood Drive to 2400 Dogwood Drive!

My Little Swimming Swan

She wasn't quite sure what to think about waking up from the car seat and getting a wardrobe change outside. But she didn't cry and I think it's safe to say she loved it!  Aunt Dee and I were thrilled:)

Who wore it best?

I think it's safe to say Lillian!

24 Hours of Crazy

Wednesday May 7th concluded with a late night clean up (kitchen remodel in full swing)/put the living room back together after college kids leave. There is white dust EVERYWHERE!

1:00 AM: Go to bed. 

6:20 AM: Diaper Change and Feeding

7:00 AM: Go back to sleep. 

7:45 AM: Shower and get dressed for the day. 

8:30 AM:  Deliver 25 Homemade Pimento Cheese Sandwhiches (I didn't realize I wouldn't have a kitchen when I signed up for this!) to the Treatment Center. 

9:00 AM: Clean Bedroom and Bathroom. 

9:50 AM: Wake Lillian, diaper, bath and dress. 

10:00 AM: Leave for 10:30 doctors appointment in Lufkin. 

11:45 AM: Head to Contractors' house from doctor's office to pick up this weeks invoices and drop off payment. 

 12:30 PM:  Head to bank to have money transfered to checking account to cover above said check. 

1:00 PM:  Arrive home. Do last minute cleaning. 

1:45 PM: Feed Lillian 

1:55 PM: FAD Caseworker arrives for two hour meeting!

4:00 PM:  Take a moment to take in my sleepy baby and her awesomeness!

4:15 PM:  Tile and Carpet guy arrives to take measurements. Almost forgot about him until I heard his knock!

4:30 PM: Confirm Emily is about 40 minutes from arrival. 

5:15 PM:  Welcome Emily, Chloe and Pierce. FaceTime Gama and Grandpa and have holding Lillian time. 

6:15 PM: Rayburn arrives to pick up beverage dispensers and get Pictures transfered to his flash drive/Stephen's home!

6:45 PM: Dinner at Neweks.

8:00 PM:  Crash and burn carrying Pierce up the stairs to the house. He is okay. I am butchered: toe, shin, knee, palm, thigh all scraped and bleeding. 

8:45 PM: Get everyone ready for bed. 

9:15 PM:  Lillian is down and fed for the night. 

10:00 PM: Lillian wakes and I hold her for a while. 

10:15 PM: I head to work while Stephen gets Lillian fed and back to bed.

10: 25 PM: Frantic call from Stephen with baby screaming for me to get back ASAP.

10:30 PM: Lillian is in my arms and calmed. 

10:40 PM: Lillian is asleep and in the pack and play in our room. 

11:00 PM Arrive at work to do payroll. Trip the alarm. Have to give code word on phone to alarm company. 

11:35 PM:  Arrive home. Make bed and write blog. 

12:25 AM:  Good Night!

One crazy day, but this little girl...

Makes it totally worth it!  And those other two cute babies:)

Road Trip!

I knew our luggage would multiply and I knew it would take much longer to get out the door, but I didn't know the actual travel would be THIS easy!  When we left the GPS estimated we would arrive at 4:45. It is currently 5:00 and we are stuck in traffic on the MS Bridge coming intoBaton  Rouge: 10 miles from our destination. Lillian has been awesome and not the reason we are arriving "late." Here's to you my little traveler; I see many trips in our future!