The Guest Bedroom is Officially Open for Business!

Here's a sneak peak of the the guest bedroom.  While it doesn't flow with the rest of my house, I like to think of it as an oasis all its own.  I find myself stopping at the door just to take it all in every time I walk by the door.

Wall Color:  High Drama from Home Depot
Head Board:  Furniture Fetish
Duvet, Shams, and Throw Pillows:  DKNY from Bed Bath and Beyond
Curtains, Sheets, Comforter, Pillows:  Ross
Chandelier: Gallery

The New House...Formal Living and Dining

I plan to make several posts showcasing our new house and furniture.  I hesitate to even post this one yet as all my decorating in these rooms is not finished, but I couldn't resist sharing!

We gained several new rooms with our new house that we did not have in Lufkin:  a formal living room, a formal dining room, and a fourth bedroom.  While I was super excited about the extra square footage, I realized this also meant I was going to need several new pieces of furniture.  In case you haven't looked lately, furniture is expensive!  I am proud to say though, that Stephen and I have been able to furnish our added rooms with "new-to-us" furniture.  With a little patience and lots of looking, we were able to not only furnish our formal living and formal dining rooms, but do it in style (or at least I like to think so!)

Our first fabulous find were these chairs and settee at Furniture Fetish in Lufkin, TX.  While the lime green and flower look would have been just my thing in high school, it wasn't quite the look I was going for with this new house.  I found the red chenille damask at Milling Around in Shreveport, LA and ordered the plain red chenille from Mood Fabrics in New York, NY.  The upholstery work was done by Goldie's in Nacogdoches, TX.
 

One thing you have to love about small towns is customer service.  Goldie made these triangle pillows as a surprise for me because it took her a tad longer to do the work that she had originally thought.  She was very affordable as far as upholstery goes and we are very pleased with her work!

View from Den

 

View from Formal Dinning 

Our next big find came courtesy of Lou Anne Jones, my 10th grade English teacher.  She posted a picture of a dining room chair on her Facebook page saying her friend was selling their table and six chairs and to contact her if interested.  This was the Facebook picture...

Considering all I knew about the table before I went to the Butter's house to see it was this chair, man oh man was I in for the best surprise EVER!  I must say that Stephen and I hit the jackpot with this find.  We were able to get the table and six chairs for about 85% off it's retail price.

 The table is absolutely gorgeous and can seat up to twelve people.  We will be getting four more chairs in the very near future (which ironically will end up costing us about the price we paid for what you see here...again I felt like we were stealing form the Butters!).

Once the table was bought, the search for a china cabinet ensued.  Again, Furniture Fetish to the rescue.  The china cabinet you see was brand new off the floor of a store that had recently closed in Lufkin.  Furniture Fetish had it drastically reduced and we were able to get it for about half off the retail price.  The color of the wood matches the sitting chairs and settee perfectly while the ornate carving goes well with the dinning set.  Not to mention it is a great size to display my china, waterford crystal, and most importantly my Kosta Boda Bull (doesn't everyone have a bull in their china cabinet?)

 

 When we finally got the sitting chairs and settee back from Goldies we were then able to see what else we needed.  Because the settee is on the small side it was apparent we would either need some type of coffee table or side table to go between the two chairs.  Stephen and I went to the antique stores here in Nac this past Saturday and didn't really find anything we just loved.  A little bummed, I thought I'd check out Furniture Fetish's online inventory.  It's crazy the things you miss when you are looking for something specific like a china cabinet or a dining table.  There they were and had been for a good while now, marble top antique tables.  They were actually purchased today and I was about to get them for about 40% off the original asking price.

So there you have it.  Our "new to us" formal living and formal dining room.  While new is always nice, "new to you" is so much more fun!  (I also must give a shout out to the former owners Danny and Lauren Combs for their impeccable (sp?) decorating style.  From light fixtures, to floors, and wall color we just had to move our furniture in!)

  View from the Den

Contract on the House!

I love how God works!  If you don't already know, Stephen and I did not have the best of luck selling his Condo in Houston.  Stephen was thinking ahead when he started Pharmacy school and decided to buy instead of rent when he moved to Houston.  It was a good decision at the time.  Real estate was doing well in the early 2000's and it was an investment in his future (our future, though he didn't know me yet).  So when he graduated in 2007, and we put the condo on the market a few months after we were married, the realtor assured us she could have it sold within a few months.  Well months turned into a year and then a year turned into four...four and a half to be exact (that's 54 mortgage payments in case you were wondering).  This past November, after four different realtor's, we finally got the phone call we really had come to never expect, an offer on the condo.  We jumped at it and our four and a half year prayer had finally been answered.

The truth is, God knew big changes where coming for Stephen and I only two months later with our move to Naocgdoches.  He knew we needed to be rid of the financial burden of the condo and have the cash in our hands to help with our relocation.  While the condo was a thorn in our flesh for so many years, the timing of the sell really was perfect.

Because of this you would think we would be a little skiddish to buy in Nac before we sold in Lufkin.  However, we found the perfect house and everything just fell into place (minus a week of crazyness with the bank right before we closed).  I know it's crazy, but I have not been worried about having two houses to pay for until yesterday, because it was yesterday that the reality of a double mortgage payment (both due today) hit me.  It's not that we can't make it, but I can't keep decorating my new house at the rate I have been until those double payments stop (but oh how much fun I've been having decorating up to this point!).

A few weeks ago, ironically while we were at the fertility doctor doing a treatment (this had to be a sign right?), we got an offer on our house.  All the text said was you've got an offer give me a call.  To our discouragement the offer was $20,000 off our asking price and not anywhere near what we need to be able to walk away without losing any money.  I was bumbed and thought that was the end of that.  Well I'm elated to say that after two weeks of crazy negotiations, we finally have a contract we can agree to!  A closing date has been set for March 14th (the day before my next double payment is due) and I couldn't be more excited! 

So I ask that you please pray for everything to go smoothly over the next month, from their financing, to the inspection, and our getting completely moving out. 

God is faithful and will always provide!  Why did I begin to doubt that yesterday?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Matthew 6:26

Greif Cycle

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"                                        

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Worship was wonderful today!  Our pastor is doing a series called Dancing with the Scars.  Last week he spoke on Dysfunctional Families and this week Divorce.  While I tend to think my family is very functional and I have been blessed to not have to deal with divorce in my immediate family (praise God my parents have been married for 35+ years, my in-laws for 45 this summer, and all my siblings are happily married) I was able to take so much away from each of these sermons.  Not just how to be compassionate and empathetic to those in these situations, but also little bits that can be applied to my life situation right now.

The first point of today's sermon on Divorce was:  Work Through The Stages of Grief.  As the pastor began to list the stages (Shock, Denial, Depression, Anger, Guilt, and Acceptance) I couldn't help but think over the past two years and see that cycle played out in my life. 

Shock:  When we first realized getting pregnant wasn't going to be quite as easy as the world makes it appear (mind you in my first year of teaching tenth grade I had three teenagers who were already parents and four who were pregnant in my classroom) I think the stage of shock was rather short.  After that first doctors appointment it hit me that it wasn't going to be so easy, but I quickly moved to stage two.

Denial:  Yes, while I had been given the reason no pregnancy had occurred thus far (I was not ovulating and have PCOS (later we would find out about my endometriosis)) these things were easily corrected with a simple pill and the denial stage for me began.  This wasn't really happening to me and we were not infertile, just "challenged."  I think this stage lasted about four months and then came the depression.

Depression:  In some ways my depression also went simultaneously along with my anger.  As I was reading back in my journal a little yesterday, I was reminded of the pain and hurt I felt during this time.  Well meaning friends and even family members would often ask when Stephen and I were planning to have kids (two of my SIL's had their first pregnancies and babies during our first year of struggle).  I would just tell them we had things we wanted to do before we had kids and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible; later that night I would go home and cry my eyes out.  I didn't want to be around pregnant people, I didn't want to be around babies and I didn't want to read about pregnancy announcements.  While I was truly happy for those in my life God had chosen to bless at this time, it was just hard for me to be around it.

Anger:   Anger at God, anger at anyone that was pregnant, anger at the doctor, anger at Eve for offering Adam the apple, anger consumed my life.  There was a good two month period that I didn't want anything to do with God.  Everyone says children are a blessing from the Lord and in my mind if that was true, then he was not blessing Stephen and me; he was cursing us because the opposite of a blessing is a curse.  (Oh how our human logic is so twisted and man oh man, was Satan having a field day with that thought process.)  But praise the Lord that while I was still angry at God I knew deep inside that he loved me regardless of my anger towards him and that he was still God and he was still on his Thrown!
       "For I am certian that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present  
         nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, 
         will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

Guilt:  As I moved away from anger it really is crazy how I naturally moved towards guilt.  I began to think, "Of course God had not given us a child.  I had weak faith."  Then I would circle back to anger and begin to blame God for not giving me a baby.  These thoughts then turned into, "what can I do to make God give me a baby."  Could I read my bible more, could I pray more, could I do more community service.  The answer to all these questions was obviously no and praise Jesus for that! 

Acceptance:  The move to acceptance was a long journey and oh how grateful I am to be here (though I will say that with each cycle of treatments you go through a mini grief cycle).  This step came from the help of reading an amazing book called Hannah's Hope.  It is a great resource that follows the story of Hannah's journey through infertility and gives great wisdom and advice on how to deal with and react to the realities of your situation (along with giving advice to friends and family on how to walk alongside you in this journey).  As I read through the book,  it seemed to explain exactly what I was feeling and helped me to realize I was not crazy.  It was actually rather normal and okay to feel this way. 

So What Has This Journey Taught Me?
Several months back, randomly while I was taking a shower, God spoke to me so clearly and vividly.  One of the things I have struggled with most during this season is  the idea of fairness.  Here's the Facebook post I wrote about it...
      When I was young I would tell my mom, "that's not fair," and her response would be, "life's not fair."
      It always bothered me because I like fairness and evenness. It hit me today that I should be grateful life  
      is not fair, because if it was Christ would not have died on the cross for my sins. What is fair about our
      Heavenly father having to sacrifice his perfect son for my messed up self?
     
     "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died    
       for us."    

   Romans 5:8

The reality is that Stephen and I do not deserve to have a child, but neither does anyone else.  Children are a blessing from the Lord, but they are not the only blessing he gives and the lack there of does not mean we are cursed.  This is all part of the plan He has for us and that plan is good. 

        "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have 

         been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

My favorite line from the song Blessings reads, 

       "What if my greatest disappointments
        Or the aching of this life
        Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy"

If you've made it this far (I realize this was a way too long post), I want to encourage you that God loves you ever so much and he wants good for you.  While you might not see that at this very moment and regardless of whether or not you believe it, it is true.  He is on his thrown and he is look on you with loving eyes, calling you to himself.

         "Come to me, all you who are wary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28 

Colt Ford...Like Chicken and Biscuits

 I gave Stephen tickets to Colt Ford for Christmas.  It's his number one station on Pandora these days.  I just say it was like watching a kid in a candy store.  He knows the words to just about every song and isn't ashamed to sing them at the top of his lungs!

We also got to hang out with some other pretty amazing people that night.  My friend Krystal and her two brothers, Robert, Hannah and Matt and Hannah's brother Chris.  It was a family night all around:)  It's the small things that keep ya smiling:)

Let's Do This Thing!

So...I guess I'm going to jump on the blog band wagon.  Stephen and I have had lots going on in our lives over these past two years and we are finally at a place now where we are wanting to share what God is doing/teaching us in our lives.  I want this blog to be a place that we can share a joys and struggles along with our every day life. We've just moved back to our home town.  Here's how it all happened...

 You know that plan everyone has when they get married about how the next ten years of your life will work out?  Well Stephen and I are no different and we had that plan.  I would graduate from college after the first two years of our marriage and then get a teaching job.  I would work for about three or four years and then we would have kids.  The first two steps went without a hitch.  I was able to finish up my degree (with one crazy summer of taking 18 hours) in two years and got an amazing job of Lufkin ISD.  I taught tenth grade World History and worked with some of the most amazing people. 

That plan we had, well it began to change about four months into my first year of teaching.  Our nephew Jackson was born that September and his arrival really got me to thinking more closely about our plan especially regarding children.  A couple of friends I knew where having a hard time getting pregnant and I began to realize how old my in-laws are.  God had not blessed Stephen's parents with children until many years into their marriage, thus making them older parents.  Because of this none of Stephen's grandparents are alive today (How I wish I could have met them all!).  I want Don and Jane to know my children and for my children to know their grandparents.  So after contemplating this for about a month I felt like it was time to brace the subject with Stephen.  Opening weekend of deer season sitting in a deer stand Stephen and I talked and made a decision that would change the course of our plan and change the rest of our lives.  We laughed, we cried and at that moment we decided to start trying. 

Of course I would be pregnant in no more than two, three months at the max and that was that.  Sometimes when I think back to those first months of trying I wonder if God was laughing at us.  We had a plan and then we changed the plan and we/I just knew how everything was going to play out. 

Fast forward to the Spring of 2011.  After over a dozen negative tests, lots of local doctors appointments, some fertility meds and a surgery we still weren't pregnant.  While I loved my job and loved being around high schoolers (whom I am passionate about) I realized I just needed a break.  Our district was offering $1000 early resignation incentives and Stephen and I decided to trust that God would provide and I turned in my resignation.  Again in my plan I just knew that after all we had been through that I would for sure get pregnant sometime in the next few months and wanted to stay home once I had the baby.  I did not want to quit in the middle of a school year so really this just made sense.  During this time I was given the opportunity to take a job with the Journey Magazine starting that summer when school was finished.  I was excited for a change of pace and to have a job that would be more flexible and potentially more profitable. 

While things did not quite go the way I expect with that job, I do believe that God used it to bring Stephen and I back to Nacogdoches.  During that last month I was soliciting M&S to do an advertisement, and while they didn't buy and ad, ultimately that interaction lead to Stephen's new job! (That is another amazing long story in itself!) 

After I stopped working for The Journey I started subbing for LISD.  This has turned out to be the  perfect job for me.  I began seeing a fertility specialist in Shreveport back in November and with the subbing gig I was able to work the days I needed to work and take off the days I needed to be at the doctor.

So here we are in February.  We started fertility treatments with the specialist in December, Stephen started his new job with M&S at the beginning of January and we bought a new house and moved to Nac in the middle of January.  So as for that plan we had when we got married, it's gone out the window!  While the plan God had for us has not in any way been a cake walk all the time, it has been HIS plan and for that I am so grateful. 

I have my good days and my bad days as far as the infertility is concerned.  But through it all one thing that has always remained is Gods total, perfect and no strings attached love for me.  It's been a journey, and one that I am now ready to share openly, of ups and downs.  I've been through the grief cycle and for the most part am now to the point of acceptance.  God has a plan for us and it is PERFECT.  In that I find my peace.

So here we are back in our home town five years later.  While my life does not look anything like I thought it would five years ago with my original plan or even two years ago with my updated plan, I know I am blessed beyond measure!