She Perfectly Penned the Feelings of My Heart

Adoption.  Everyone has their own thoughts about this word:  Yes I want to do that; No I would never do that;  It's something I might like to do;  I would do it if it wasn't so expensive; God would have to just drop a baby in my lap...and so on.

Stephen and I had discussed adoption when we first got married that it was something we might like to do.  So yes we had planned to eventually, possibly, adopt but after we had biological children.  Lately I have struggled with this. I love Lillian so much and NEVER EVER want her to feel she was a backup plan because she WAS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I came across this blog today and the author perfectly penned the feelings of my heart.  She's put into words exactly how I feel...

This is what I can tell you now.  We didn’t adopt because we couldn’t get pregnant.  We couldn’t get pregnant because our first born [daughter] was to come to our family through adoption. 

Now that [she] is home, we know without a doubt that even before the world began, [Lillian] was ours.  And that, God graciously allowed enough time to pass so we would open our hearts and walk into the plan that had always been.

It was always the plan. The first choice.... Isn’t it ironic? Infertility made me a mother. Not because  I ran out of options, but because all along it was the only option.